


The Council of Kick-Ass Women of America

by meretricula



Category: Actor RPF, Political RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-22
Updated: 2008-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1629008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretricula/pseuds/meretricula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Michelle Obama is inducted into the Council of Kick-Ass Women of America. gen. (The fandom "Misc Actors" has been interpreted very liberally.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Council of Kick-Ass Women of America

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trollprincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trollprincess/gifts).



> Written for TrollPrincess

 

 

"All right, I'm here, and I had a hell of a time getting away from the Secret Service agents, so if you don't mind explaining what that cryptic note was all about - " Michelle broke off, startled, at the sight of the group assembled in the conference room. 

"Welcome to the Council of Outstanding Woman Citizens of America," Hillary said. "Tonight is your induction ceremony." 

"Do we have enough members for a quorum?" Condi barely even looked up from her compact as she reapplied her lipstick. "I think we should wait a little. Oprah's always late." 

Michelle sat down carefully and surveyed the room. "If this is the Council of Outstanding Woman Citizens, what's _he_ doing here?" she asked Hillary, gesturing towards the corner. 

"My kick-assness transcends gender," Rahm said, unperturbed. "And the ballet studies give me legitimacy. Not that I need it." 

"Do at least attempt to be civil, young man," said the elderly woman sitting next to him. "Your attitude is hardly becoming." 

"Ruth, I have the greatest respect in the world for you, but not even for your sake would I attempt to be civil," Rahm said with a charming smile. 

"Do _you_ want to try throwing him out?" Hillary sighed. "Condi and I already did." 

Nancy looked up and sneered a little. "I don't see why we should have to put up with it. It's bad enough having to deal with him at our day jobs." 

"It's not that big of a deal, honestly," said a mousy-looking woman on the other side of the table. "He doesn't get to vote and he mostly stays quiet during the discussions." 

"That's such a lie," Condi said, putting away her compact. "And we can't all retreat to our institutions of higher learning in the godforsaken far northeast at the end of the meeting, Drew; some of us have to stay and put up with his nonsense indefinitely." 

"I take offense at that remark," Rahm drawled. 

"Are you going to send us a fish?" Hillary inquired. "Why, I'm quaking in my boots." 

The door swung open, cutting off whatever suitably nasty reply no doubt hovered on his tongue. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," announced the woman, before she was even in the room. "Brad didn't want to let me take the jet, and I had trouble putting the kids to bed." 

"This is the third time in a row you've been late, Angelina," Ruth said disapprovingly. "And Lucy, I'm surprised at you." 

Lucy, who had followed Angelina in, smiled slightly. "Plane-pooling is better for the environment." 

"Are Toni and Maya coming?" Drew asked, blatantly changing the subject. Angelina gave her a grateful look. 

Hillary consulted her Blackberry. "Maya is coming with Oprah. Toni couldn't make it tonight." 

"Just as well," Condi murmured to Michelle. "The two of them can't be in the same room for over ten minutes without getting into some kind of pissing match over which of them is the most influential African-American woman author of our time." 

Michelle blinked. "So who usually wins?" 

"Why the hell should I care? Until your husband takes office, I'm the most influential African-American woman of our time, full-stop." 

"Condi! No politics at the Council meetings!" Lucy frowned at her, hands on hips. "We had an _agreement_." 

"Fine, fine, no pictures of starving orphans in Somalia and I won't talk shop. God." 

"Starving... orphans?" Michelle asked helplessly. 

"The last time we had an argument over politics, Lucy pulled out an entire portfolio of photos of needy Third World children and wouldn't stop waving them in our face until we promised to shut up if we couldn't talk nicely to each other," Hillary explained, looking disgruntled. "Angelina _helped_." 

"Our meetings are much more civil now," Lucy agreed, smiling angelically. 

"Fucking pussies, the lot of you," Rahm muttered. "You'd never last a day in ballet school." 

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" Angelina asked, poisonously sweet. "I'm sure I misheard. You couldn't have possibly used a misogynistic term of abuse at a meeting of the Council." 

Rahm looked her squarely in the eye. "I'm backing down right now, but only because you have children who require you physically whole and relatively mentally sound. I'm not afraid of you. Even though you are one scary, crazy bitch." 

"Damn straight," she said, satisfied, and sat down. 

In the sudden silence that descended, the thump-thump of heavy footsteps could be heard all the way down the hall. "Oh, that'll be Oprah and Maya," Drew said. 

"Good, then we can get started." Hillary stood as the door slammed open and quickly ushered the newcomers into their seats, closing the door behind them. 

"Councilwomen and honorary Councilman, it is my honor to welcome you back once again to the biannual meeting of this Council. Before we proceed to the business of the evening, I would like us to observe a moment of silence for former Councilwoman Bettie Page, who was taken from us earlier this month. She will be missed." Hillary bowed her head briefly; the others (including Rahm, surprisingly enough) followed suit. 

"Now, as you know, our first order of business is the induction of Michelle Obama to our ranks. I propose her candidacy; do we have a second?" 

"I'll second it," Nancy said, glancing over at Michelle. 

"The motion is hereby seconded by Nancy Pelosi. At this point I turn the floor over to our historian so that she may explain the distinguished past of our organization to our newest member." Hillary sat and Maya got to her feet. 

"The Council of Outstanding Woman Citizens of America was founded by Abigail Adams in 1797," she pronounced in resonant tones. "It has since continued uninterrupted to the present day. Our numbers have included First Ladies," she said, nodding to Michelle, "activists," to Lucy and Angelina, "politicians," to Nancy, "judges," to Ruth, "scholars," to Drew, "authors and artists, and other public personalities," she finished, smiling at Oprah. "Our purpose is simple: to promote, by the fine qualities which our gender imparts to us, the well-being of our nation and the world. I trust you appreciate the honor which is bestowed upon you by your acceptance to this society, and the need for the utmost secrecy concerning its existence." 

Michelle nodded. "I do." 

"Then the floor is yours once more, Hillary." 

"Thank you, Maya. Michelle Obama, do you solemnly swear to uphold to tenets of this Council, to respect your fellow Councilwomen and to reveal to none other the identities of the Council or the events which transpire herein?" 

"I do so swear," Michelle affirmed. 

"Then it is my great pleasure to welcome you to this Council of Kick-Ass Women of America." 

_~fin~_

_Dramatis Personae_ (in order of appearance)

Michelle Obama, First Lady-to-be of the United States

Hillary Rodham Clinton, senator from New York, former First Lady and Secretary of State-Nominee

Condoleezza Rice, 66th United States Secretary of State

Rahm Emanuel, White House Chief of Staff-designate

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, US Supreme Court Justice

Nancy Pelosi, 60th Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

Drew Gilpin Faust, 28th President of Harvard University

Angelina Jolie, actress and Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency

Lucy Liu, actress and US Fund for UNICEF Ambassador

Oprah Winfrey, television host and philanthropist

Maya Angelou, poet and authoress

(Toni Morrison, Nobel Prize Winner for Literature) 

 


End file.
